Bathtub

When I get upset, I run a hot bath.


I guess it started the summer I got a bad infection in my body,

and the only thing that made the pain subside was a scalding hot bath.


I must have taken five a day for a week straight.

Draining the water when it got cold, and running a new one.


After that, when I got better, any time I felt achy or stressed I would run a bath.

I still do.


But I’ve realized lately that it doesn’t really fix anything.

When I feel stressed out now, sometimes the hot water and seclusion helps.

But once it drains and I come out, I’m upset again.

My problems are normally patient. They wait for me.


Sometimes, running a bath doesn’t help at all.

I just find myself sinking into hot water and staring at the ceiling.

And I realize with a tired frustration that nothing is really gone or different.

Water doesn’t wash off the problems in my life.


It can distract me, sometimes.

But they’re still there once it’s over.


I guess that’s something I’m learning lately.

Distractions are nice, and sometimes they’re exactly what I need.

But they don’t actually solve anything.


There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and collecting strength to tackle problems with.

But I need to learn that there’s a difference between taking a step back, and running away.


I’ve been doing a lot of running, lately.

I guess I need to let my bathtub dry out for a while.